A little while back something very empowering shifted in my consciousness and it’s been difficult to turn it off. I am officially calling it my “Inner Arjuna.” Arjuna is a character in the Bhagavad Gita, a highly skilled archer who is on a battlefield lamenting over having to fight. He’s having a personal convo with Krishna, who is telling him not to be a wimp and do what needs to be done. Krishna is your higher Self. This conversation happens within us every day!
Not speaking up hurts me. In the past when I have chosen to swallow my words and feebly attempt to bury them deep inside where they begin to fester and burn. Confronting the world is part of my Dharma. This started for me when I was a very young 15 years old and joined PETA! I would be right up in your face about what animal you were killing and eating. Turns out that approach really doesn’t inspire people to wake up and take a good long hard look at their behaviour. It does the opposite, walls go up, egos flare, nobody wants to be wrong, it goes nowhere!
Communication comes easy to me when things are good but the moment of conflict I have an automatic shut down switch and that is exactly what I do. Turns out that this is not an effective life skill since conflict is a normal, healthy, and natural part of life. So I did what any good yoga nerd would do, I found a book! This is a keeper, one that I have to read over and over again, like the Bhagavad Gita. It’s title isNonViolent Communication ~ a Language of Lifeby Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph. D. In this book his discusses the 4 Components of NonViolent Communication. (Yay steps, I LOVE steps!!!)
1. Observations
2. Feelings
3. Needs
4. Requests
In reality I find it very complex, it is almost a foreign language to me but it’s one I need to learn. Learning to truthfully, honestly and compassionately communicate is paramount. It’s really the middle path, staying open and humble to hear what we need to express and staying open to receive what information is given to us by others.
Dr. Rosenberg, hits the nail on the head when he labels my old PETA style of communication, as “Life Alienating Communication. Yep, it did just that! Making judgements about others. Guilty as charged, someone cuts me off in the car and they are the “Idiot.`
WWKD! What would Krishna Do! Likely turn the mirror right back on you to see yourself as the source of pain rather than the other driver.
My understanding of Dr. Rosenberg`s method is very limited, I have a hard time making it though each page of this foreign language but I have a deep desire to let the info percolate, sink in and become part of my subconscious. My wish is not to alien others or myself but have a conversations where everyone gets to have their own unique views and they are accepted as such.
Most of my life I have stifled things down until I literally blew up, again learning that`s not a healthy adult way of living in the world. I have found that since my Inner Arjuna has woken up, I no longer want to be silent but I also do not wish to alienate myself or others. If communication, especially with conflict, is difficult for you I highly recommend Dr. Rosenberg`s Book.
with compassion,
Mindy